Oh Brother!

I know I told you in my last post that I am the middle child in my family. I have a wonderful older sister and a younger brother who I love very much. Billy is 5 years younger than me and growing up I always kept a close eye on him and took him under my wing. (Not that that was always such a good thing!) Anyway I have a problem with maybe being OVER protective of him and it has caused problems for us both. It has forced us to grow apart and not even share our lives with each other as we did when we were growing up. A big problem we run into daily is me wanting to dictate or change how Billy lives his life and we fight when he tells me I have no control over what he does. I just don't remember when it was exactly when I did loose control. As long as I can remember I was able to tell Billy what to do when to do it and how to do it without a fight or question from. him

As Billy and I both get older we have very different lives. I'm married with a child and Billy has a girlfriend and no kids, although his girlfriend has a child. In any event my life now is filled with family kid friendly events, maintaining a home, and taking care of my husband and my newborn. I have little who am I kidding I mean I have NO time for partying. I do not miss those days one bit and have no regrets and when I think about those days when I was a "partier" I smile and think, "Boy that was fun!" With each passing year the days of partying grew old. I had had enough bed spins, hangovers, one night stands..ect..Billy is now in his late 20's and is showing no signs of changing. I am not sure why it is such a problem for me or why I even care but I do and I have to learn to let go and let him do what he wants when he wants and how he wants. I am afraid that if I don't stop trying to change him and just accept him and his lifestyle we will not have a relationship anymore.

I just hope that whatever happens between Billy and I he will always know that I love him very much and I would be devastated if he were not in my life. I have a big fear that I will be saying goodbye to my little brother a lot sooner than I would like to. I have to let my fears go and allow Billy to be who he is so I will be able to love him here on earth while he is still with me. Any advice on how to let my control and fears go please let me know.

Until Next Time...Blog to search for answers